Connections

It's been a while since I was on this blog.  My focus has changed.  Although still looking back, forward and sideways to make sense of life and define somehow the path where my feet travel each day.  I have more time alone now...just me and the dog...my son and grandson in their own home with the lovely and talented woman they have charmed into their lives.  It feels so good to see them all together...3 brilliant energies who exist so well together and are so distinctly present apart.  I have spent much too much of my life seeking myself through my relationships that I failed to see myself as clearly as I wanted...too much attention to the reflection and not enough on the real me.  I am told I have a powerful presence...and I see evidence of that, even though I fail to acknowledge it readily.  It scares me, humbles me, gives me a stronger sense of responsibility...and sometimes it is what makes me want to isolate.  I know I am different...I don't always adopt the social graces of others, my passion moves me to speak in terms that are tinged with anger and condemnation...I sometimes judge the world too harshly.  Injustice, ignorance and system dysfunction frustrate me...I long for conversation with people who are knowledgeable, compassionate, and articulate...but find that I get the most from simple exchanges in everyday life.  For the last few days I have had a man staying in my "under-construction" garage apartment who leads a "unencumbered life"...meaning he is virtually homeless, drifting from situation to situation without expectations of permanency or prosperity.  He has his alcohol dependency to dull whatever pain he carries and finds pleasure in being useful to others.  Yesterday he walked down to the store and found a "Scientific American" magazine from 1999 in a trash heap.  He enjoyed this gift of intellectual nourishment tremendously and spent periodic moments throughout the day reading, processing and sharing its contents.  We humans are amazing beings.  I spent the day working at my computer with breaks going out to the yard, checking on construction progress, and engaging in bits of conversation...he enjoyed hearing about my travels around the country and we found bits of historical commonality in our lives.  There was a comfortable rhythm to our interaction.